TRUE-LIFE STORIES WITH FUNMILOLA SOTUMINU
MY friend told me that she did not want to make me sad the first time I told her to help check on my husband. Though they were both attending the same church, she said she did not notice any bad thing until I said she should check. She told me that she had gone to my husband’s friend’s place and found that he was not living there as arranged.
She spoke with him on the phone and he told her (my friend) that he had the opportunity of sleeping over for four days in a week at the special quarters set aside for workers in his workplace. But my friend told me that she was not convinced with the explanation and, therefore, she decided to pay a surprise visit to him at work.
He was about closing for the day, when she got there, so she met him at the door. Apparently, because he was hiding something, he did not greet her like someone he knew; he just mumbled something and ran past her. She told me that she looked ahead and found that someone, a white lady, was waiting for him in the car that he entered. That was when she suspected that something was seriously amiss.
The next day, she went in search of my cousin and they both started their investigations. At the end of the day, their findings revealed that my husband was already married to an American, and was living in her house.
I couldn’t take the shock; but my cousin also told me that, with what they found out, my husband’s friend had been doing the matchmaking, immediately after we got our first visas. That was excatly the reason they begged me to come back to Nigeria alone so that they could perfect their plans. I could not believe all what they said, but I knew deep within me that they were telling the truth. After all, his actions pointed at nothing else except that.
I tried to find answers to different questions, but I couldn’t. Could a man that I had known to be so caring for 13 years turn his back on his family that easily because of the desperation to make ends meet? Where and when did my husband and his friend begin the ‘arrangee’ for an American wife? Even if he wanted to arrange a marriage with a white woman to get his legal papers, would it mean abandoning his family in just three months?
Hard as I tried, I couldn’t find answers to these questions.
The next day, I sent a mail to my husband, informing him that I was already aware of all what he was doing in the US; and that, though I was disappointed that a man of God could easily be tricked into abandoning his family, I was not ready to disturb his new found life.
I thought he would not reply my mail; but he did, surprisingly. He said it was wise of me to reason the way I did and that everything in life had a purpose. “I don’t know what you might have heard, but I have always known you to be a wise woman. Everything in life has a purpose. Nothing in life happens by accident. So, what do you plan to do next, if you don’t want to come here?” he asked.
I thought I was dreaming, but it was reality. I cried and cried and thought the world had actually come to an end.
When I woke up the next day, I went to see our General Overseer and narrated all that had happened to him. He was shocked that my husband, who they thought was a role model for others, could behave the way he did in just three months.
He blamed me for not praying with him over the issue before deciding on my own to relocate, that the devil had used that to separate a lovely family. But he promised that with prayer and patience, I would realise that my husband had just gone on sabbatical and would be back home in no time. This, to me, sounded like a joke. With all that I heard, that sabbatical could last forever. Those in the same state with my husband had told me again that he was always everywhere with his ‘wife’ now and they appeared at functions like lovebirds.
The worst part is that he does not even care whether we live or die. Knowing well that the children would need to pay huge fees at the end of the session if we would not even come to the US, he forgot everything we discussed and has now refused to even take my calls or my cousin’s.
My eldest daughter fell very ill a few weeks ago and I sent a Facebook message to him to speak with her later that evening. But he replied: “Please leave these children to live their lives. Don’t drag them into silly issues. I know she (my daughter’s name) is well. And if she is ill, the Lord that I serve will heal her.” At that point, I lost it and cried. I was to resign last month from the bank, but I have not been able to do so because of the situation.
I’m thinking of gathering enough money to travel to another part of the US. But some people are advising me to travel to the same state so that I can put him in the mess he is running away from. If he can be so heartless because of his selfish interest, then there is no reason to sacrifice my own happiness or my children’s welfare for his ambition. Yet, I don’t have enough money to travel with my kids and he has refused to help.
As it is, if I don’t resign from work, I would be forced out in no time. This is because I have not been able to meet the kind of target that can guarantee my job in these hard times.
I am confused. Readers, please advise.
(Concluded)
