TRUE-LIFE STORIES WITH FUNMILOLA SOTUMINU
I have been married to my husband for about 13 years, and all through our years together; I never gave the possibility of a change in his caring attitude a thought. We are both from very strong Christian families and, in line with this, we raised our children to be God-fearing. They had no choice, anyway; their father and I were role models in the Church. He, my husband, was even the head of the youth assembly.
I am a banker, working in a Lagos Island branch of one of the top banks. Until now, life had been very good for us. I had a high paying job and my husband’s exotic drink business was thriving. We have three children and so, it was not difficult giving them the best in line with modern standards. Unfortunately, the dollar crisis hit my husband’s business negatively and things became really tough. He first laid off four out of his five employees and later closed the office when low demand, coupled with the need to stay on the generator with expensive fuel, worsened matters.
It was a trying period for us all, especially when school fees came and we had to depend solely on what I made to sustain the children in their school. This was aside from the day-to-day feeding of the family and other home running costs. It began to tell on me, but the situation deteriorated further when my bank started to shed the higher end of employees. I would have been a casualty but for the fact that I was transferred to the marketing department.
I didn’t like the idea of being a marketer but it was better than staying without a job, especially when the breadwinner of the home had lost his source of livelihood. But things became very tough for me in this department because I did not have the kind of contacts that could guarantee my job. I became a pest to many of my friends and people started avoiding me. I could not blame them because the economy, at the moment, is not friendly at all, so telling people to come and open or deposit huge sums of money in the name of protecting your job would not fly any high this period.
For three consecutive months, I received warnings and was put on the danger list. I got tired of the job and started mulling the idea of relocating abroad with my family. My husband bought into the idea immediately but asked me how we would all get United States visas at once. I told him that it would be easy since I would be talking to my boss to help with the right documentation. He had helped others too in the past.
My plan was not to resign from the bank immediately, so no one suspected my move and the process was relatively smooth. My husband and I applied first and we were issued three months visas respectively. We decided to travel during my leave for one month in order to familiarise ourselves with how we could settle down without so much stress. When we got to the US, we stayed with my cousin, who took us through all what we would need to stay out of trouble.
He immediately started helping my husband to look for a job, and as God would have it, it did not take him five days to get one. But he could choose to go home and come back to resume with another Visa because there was a two months grace period. One of his friends also offered us accomodation until we could find our feet. What we had planned was for us to go first and then come back again to apply for visas with the children.
Two days before our initial return date, my husband informed me that he had thought about the whole situation and would not be going back to Nigeria with me. He said it was better for me to go back alone, apply for the children’s visas and come back to the US after resigning properly from work. That was not our initial agreement, because I was not emotionally ready for life without a man in the house. I was not also sure that his not being around would not jeopardise my children’s chances of getting visas.
His friend pleaded with me to reason along with my husband so that settling down could be faster for the whole family. He said, though the job had some months of grace, the story could be a different one if my husband decided to go to Nigeria first. So, I gave up and returned home.
Shortly after I returned, the children commenced their holiday, and I seized that opportunity to arrange their visas. We were lucky not to have any issues and I waited to break the news to my husband. This was about one month after I returned. As expected, my husband was very happy on the phone. He, however, told me that since we were all given two years visas, there was no hurry. He said we could wait for another six months before joining him. I thought that was a big joke because I knew my job at the bank would kill me anytime soon. I could not also continue to cater for the children all alone as we had earlier agreed.
After about three months abroad, he stopped taking my calls except on Sundays. He always gave the excuse of being very busy at work and not wanting anything to make him look unserious. His friend was also obviously avoiding me because, unlike before, when he used to send messages to me on Facebook and Whatsapp, he stopped and would not take my calls too. I did not know what was happening, so I told an old friend of mine that I met on my last trip to help check on my husband.
At first, she told me that my husband was fine and that I should not worry about him. She added that they met in church the previous Sunday and he explained the nature of his job, which made him too tired to call when he returned home daily. He had promised to send money to us after the first month, but he never did. I did not understand what was happening at all. So, one day, I sent a Facebook message to him that I had tendered my resignation letter at the bank and had made preparations to travel to the US with the children in two weeks.
Immediately he got the message, he called and started shouting that I should not come to US for now. He said if I tried to do that, he would deny me, including the children. What he said came as a big shock to me. I could not make out the meaning. I had to call my cousin and my friend to help check what exactly was going on. That was when my friend opened up.
To be continued…
