- The support, care a man provides during labour is critical – Gynecologists
Not all the pregnant women that thronged the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology of the Badore Primary Health Centre, Ajah, Lagos State were accompanied to the facility by their husbands.
Other expectant mothers who wore uncomfortable looks as they pace around the medical premises were supported by their close relations.
However, the few available fathers were apparently restless as they showed support to their heavily pregnant wives.
From consulting the gynecologist to know the chances of their wives in putting to bed, the men navigated the length and breadth of the centre sorting medical bills and getting drugs for their pregnant wives.
The moment their wives disappeared into the labour ward to put to bed, the men became more tense in their expressions as others took to prayers for safe delivery of their partners.
It was all noisy as the screams from the labour room and those of caregivers who were loudly crying to God in prayers rented the air.
At this juncture, this reporter left the arena and returned the next day.
Upon return, the crowd that was witnessed at the labour ward surrounding had reduced.
The Point reporter was able to speak with an apparently joyous man, who was only wearing a green singlet and black pair of shorts while clasping a new born baby.
The new father identified himself as Victor Aniedi and expressed joy at his first issue. He said the experience he had overnight while his wife was in labour pain made him appreciate women more.
According to him, though it was a sad experience for him watching his wife scream out in pain, the scene made him understand more the travails of being a mother and the need for men to do more in caring for their wives.
“My brother, I am a happy man. This is my first child and I thank God for not making the whole effort and pain to be wasted. This is the best day of my life and it will remain indelible in my memory,” Aniedi told The Point reporter while beaming with joy.
Sharing his moments with his wife during labour, the middle-aged artisan said his heart was biting throughout watching his wife in pain, stating that it would take a while before he could impregnate his wife again.
“Childbearing is not easy for both couples, that is what I have come to realise. I rushed my wife to this PHC in the evening of Wednesday, September 26, 2024 and from my house till I got to the hospital, it was traumatising for me because that would be my first time seeing her scream and complain of pain like that.
“When we got to the hospital, I had forgotten the baby pack at home and the nurses asked me to return home and bring them.
With the way she was behaving, I thought she would have been delivered before I returned with the baby items. But, she was still pacing up and down the premises. I don’t even know what to do. After I got the necessary drugs and paid some money, she was led into the labour ward.
“I was palpitating because of her painful noise. At that moment, I swore not to impregnate her again. I was praying to God to come to her aid. She was not even the only pregnant woman at the ward; it appeared they all went through the same pain. I have told my wife that I may not be close to the labour ward next time.
Sincerely, women are trying and I feel some men who maltreat them should desist,” he advised.
Friday Ugwueze is also a new father. His wife gave birth at a private hospital in the Ifon community of Osun State recently.
The 37-year-old trader said his wife almost broke the hospital chair into pieces while in painful labour.
“Watching her go violent was horrifying for me. She held onto the hospital bed and flung it. She also attempted breaking a chair in the ward before the nurses took control of the situation. I was even regretting at one point impregnating her because I couldn’t bear the pain. I really pitied her.
“Before we got to the hospital, one of my neighbours told me that men don’t touch their wives when they are in labour because the child would not want to be born. So, believing this revelation, I was helpless as I watched her scream in pain without touching her. It was after successful delivery that some of the relatives countered my neighbour’s claim. It was a troubling experience but to God be the glory, it ended in joy and I am now a father of a bouncing baby boy,” he narrated.
A father of two, Uche Emmanuel, who drove his nursing wife for immunization of their baby at a primary healthcare centre in Lagos, advised men to always be there for their wives especially whenever they need to be at the hospital.
“I was there when my wife gave birth to my two children and what I saw propelled me to be more caring towards my wife. I want to advise other men to always accompany their wives to the hospital whenever they want to give birth. Yes, it may be traumatic and others may not even want to make love to their wives again, but there are surely lessons to learn in the moments,” he stated.
For 58-year-old Godwin Otu, his wife was at the point of death during the delivery of their fourth child.
For his first child, he recalled not having enough money at the time, as he was the only one working.
He said, “For my first son, when he was to be born, we were very broke. There was no money at all to welcome the baby and that became another pregnancy of its own.
“The night, we saw the sign that the baby was about to come out. I started praying that the child should stay a little longer inside his mother because I had no resources to welcome the baby. It was so challenging that I started shaking.
“My wife was a student then, who had just finished her degree exams. All the bills were on my head. That is one of the burdens a father will carry, especially when it comes to bringing children into the world.”
He continued, “I was confused and after I took her to a hospital, I went to work. All through that morning till afternoon when she called to say that she had delivered, I was just wondering how I would meet up with the bill. Even the hospital bag was not complete.
“I could not concentrate at work and my boss himself saw that I was restless; he told me to leave the office. Without asking him, my boss then gave me money and that money sorted out most of the bills. That in itself was a miracle for me.”
While the pang of childbirth usually ends in joy for many couples, it was all a nightmare for Essien Essien, a secondary school teacher in Lagos State. He lost his wife during a caesarean section.
“My darling wife was a good and strong woman,” Essien said, as he buried his head in his hands.
“We had opted for an elective caesarean section since she had our first child through CS. It was only advisable that she gave birth to the second one through CS as well. Caesarian sections don’t stay too long, so I was expecting that in about 30 minutes the surgery would have been completed,” Essien added.
He said, “She was perfectly healthy and had no complaints in days, and even hours before the operation. We chose the date; so our minds were fixed and prepared for it. As usual, there was a bit of anxiety, but I tried my best to shake it off and be strong for her.
“As she was wheeled into the theatre, I didn’t know that would be the last time I would see my wife. About 15 minutes later, I heard the voice of the crying baby. I was excited from outside and I expected that in the next few minutes, she would be wheeled out.”
But a few minutes soon became an hour, and instead of his wife coming out of the theatre, the surgeon approached Essien alone with a look on his face that said there was a problem.
“I’m sorry sir, there was a complication during the CS. Your wife did not survive the operation, she did not wake up. I’m so sorry sir,” Essien quoted the doctor as saying.
There was a long silence as he spoke. A sob followed and then a sigh.
“I didn’t expect to be a widower at this stage of my life,” Essien said, taking another pause.
“I was left to raise two young children all by myself. It is still not easy. Thank God for the help of family and friends. I miss her every day; we had a lot of plans ahead of us.”
According to Essien, the newborn, who is now five years old, has a striking resemblance to his late wife.
Similarly, a tech expert, Daniel Ojor, lost not only his wife but also his child when she was only five months pregnant.
Ojor was married for only six months.
He was 31 years old at the time, while his wife, Chinwe, was only 24 years old.
He said, “We got married in February 2019 and my wife took in the next month, which was in March. As a soon-to-be father, I was excited and happy that she got pregnant immediately.”
But along the line, things didn’t go as expected.
“Her pregnancy was very difficult and it was a huge burden on me.
She developed pre-eclampsia (a high blood pressure disorder that can occur during pregnancy), and some parts of her body began to swell badly.
“We visited a hospital on one of her ante-natal days, and the gynecologist called me into his office to tell me that her condition had gotten quite critical and she would need to be placed under close monitoring. I was broken,” he added.
Ojor said Chinwe had a panic attack having heard what was discussed between him and the gynecologist.
“We didn’t know that she could hear what we were saying from the other room where she was and immediately, she had a cardiac arrest. Before anything could be done to save her, she died right there and the baby as well,” Ojor said, as he battled the tears from dropping down his cheeks.
It has been four years since the incident but the 35-year-old said it had been difficult moving on.
He said although the time spent together was short, he cherished every moment of it and felt that they carried the pregnancy together.
A Consultant Obstetrician and gynecologist at the St. Ives Hospital, Dr. Ede Edokpolor, believes that the support and care a man provides during labour is critical.
According to him, there is something the presence of the husband does that no doctor can do in vaginal delivery or caesarean sections.
“When the husband is there, the woman feels more secure and comfortable, especially if the husband is strong enough to share in the pain the woman is going through.
“We have discovered that women who have their husbands present, aside from feeling more comfortable with the doctors and the process, recover faster; the mother is encouraged to start lactation (breastfeeding) on time due to the support enjoyed, and the hospital admission time is also reduced,” he added.
Edokpolor suggested that when it is noticed that the husband is becoming uncomfortable and frightened during delivery or vaginal examinations, he is encouraged to excuse the doctors.
He said, “Childbirth is an important experience for couples, especially for the husband who has not seen it before. We encourage the man to be there especially when the head is about to come out. In some cases, the husband is even asked to cut the umbilical cord.
“The experience promotes closeness and family bonding even for years to come. Every father should experience it.”
Also, a marriage and relationship counsellor, Olubunmi Ibidapo-Obe, said it is key for men to be present in labour rooms so they can share in the life-changing experiences with their spouses.
This, she believes, can reduce domestic violence and strengthen the family bond.
“Unlike in the time of our fathers who married many wives and had many children, there was no emotional attachment with the children. They just focused on work and were never present in anything that had to do with the children.
“But if a man goes with his wife into the labour room, his life can never remain the same, having seen the travails of a mother. When they have issues in their marriage and he flashes back on that day, it will be difficult for him to raise a finger to beat her up.
“It is very important for the man to be present. It is a good experience and it will breed respect, love, understanding and a healthy bond within the family,” she added.
