No one in the family knew that my mother-in-law was coming to Nigeria. I later found out that she always arrived unannounced for reasons best known to her. Even her children were usually taken by surprise. We went to visit her with our son the next day because she arrived at night. It was a Saturday and everyone had a light schedule. She noticed that my husband was calm and, perhaps, thought that it was because she had just returned. Then she started scolding me for not always taking her calls or calling when I should. I apologised, but didn’t go further, knowing that my husband was never aware of our strange discussions.
My husband had to go for a business meeting, so he said he should take us home first before leaving for the meeting, but his mother quickly said that he could leave me and her grandchild and pick us on his way back home. She said she had not seen the boy since he was born and would like to spend quality time with him. I did not object, though I was so scared that she would have all the time in the world to open up a discussion I never wanted to have again.
Immediately my husband left, she told me to move closer to her and asked how things had been. I told her that I had been fasting and praying, but that I could not do what she told me to do because I was afraid it would have a negative effect on my husband. It was at that point that she flared up. She got so angry with me for the first time that I wanted to open the door and run away. She said I was indirectly calling her a witch, and that what I meant was that she wanted to kill her own son. I could not say anything; I just started crying.
When my mother-in-law noticed that my husband had become very friendly; that we spoke like friends and did almost everything together, she became very hostile. In fact, she would call her son 10 times if she saw us together and would find a thousand and one reasons for him not to be with me
When she saw that I was not saying anything, she said she would give me a second chance, that if she had known that her son did not really love me from the word go, she would not have thrown her weight behind the union. She said there had been a prophecy that her son must not have children from two women, and that all she was doing was to ensure that he stayed with me to prevent any calamity.
At this point, I did not want to say that my husband had started changing. I only asked her if there was no other way to ensure what she had just said so that one would not be creating more problems in the process. She said he was his son and she knew exactly how to solve any problem that concerned him.
There and then, I knew I had to go back to my mother to borrow some wisdom. I became really scared that I had married into the wrong family. Something told me that there was more to what she was saying than I could understand.
Two days after that, as I was brooding over the whole issue in the office, the receptionist called to say that I had a male visitor. I was surprised to see that it was my first love, the man I would have married but for my parents’ insistence on a Christian. He did not come alone. He came with a lady he introduced to me as his wife, a very pretty lady. She probably would have heard a lot about me, because when she was introduced to me, she hugged me in a very warm way. She said her husband had told her that we had so many things in common.
They were in Lagos for an Islamic programme and her husband had told her that they had to visit me; that he needed to know how I was faring. I was not afraid that his wife was there; I told him all that I was going through. I knew he was God-fearing and that he prayed a lot. More so, if his wife was that warm towards me, then they would be best of friends. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered how much he and his parents loved me. But I quickly controlled myself because of his wife’s presence. Here he was, treating his wife like his younger sister, or better still, his best friend, while I was being made to pass through hell as I survived one battle after the other.
When I finished narrating my story and asked if I should tell my husband what his mother wanted me to do, my friend said no, that it would amount to creating enmity between mother and child, and that God would not forgive me even though it was true that his mother had behaved irresponsibly. He advised me to just keep on praying, and that if she continued to pressurise me, I should ask my mother to invite her and iron things out as agemates.
I did just that, but my mother said I should wait till the next time she would bring up the matter before saying anything. Meanwhile, we continued the prayer and fasting with prayer partners and pastors. A week after we went to see my mother-in-law, she came to visit us and said she would be spending the rest of her holiday in our house. I knew that meant war, but I was ready for it. Inasmuch as I had resolved not to let my husband know what was happening until I was able to convince my mother-in-law that I would do no such thing, I was prepared to manage the situation the best way I could. But when my mother-in-law noticed that my husband had become very friendly; that we spoke like friends and did almost everything together, she became very hostile. In fact, she would call her son 10 times if she saw us together and would find a thousand and one reasons for him not to be with me. While his mother was there, my husband became even more loving. He always begged me to forgive his past behaviour.
One day, the nanny told me that my mother-in-law was asking her whether she was always there when I cooked for my husband; that she was suspecting that I had put some charm in his food. The nanny was alarmed that she could insinuate that, when all we were praying for was for my husband to change. That night, she called my husband into the room. When after one hour, they had not come back to the living room, I knew all was not well…
Watch out for the concluding part of this true life story next week…
