“Plans are still in the pipeline to buy 10 additional plastic chairs and four tables, to cope with the crowd of revellers in this joint. I can now walk tall because three years ago, when I brought Comfort to this place, it was like a decision to settle down in the jungle.”
“How was this place in the past? I am sure you are the one who bankrolled all the facilities here. This I can confirm through the seductive ways the lady has been treating you. Kay, we are in your kingdom.”
“Simmer, Ogbonna, simmer. I actually paid for this shop when it used to have a wooden window. I changed it to a slit one. I did a German floor as against the time-worn, peeling cemented floor. I bought two ceiling fans and one split A/C that can freeze you as if you were in Siberia…”
“All for the love of Comfort’s physical endowment? You must have a very deep pocket. I am sure you must be on your guard; you must safeguard your ‘investment’ against any encroachment. I only hope she does not have a secret lover somewhere, as I am prepared to fight your cause. Nobody must steal from your comfort zone.”
“Ogbos, don’t work me up. I’ve done all I could do for a lady who made me happy. Whatever she does behind me is none of my business. Let Comfort serve you one criminally cold bottle of beer, mortuary standard. I’ve not seen you for a while; we need to talk on burning national issues.”
“What is trending, you will agree with me, is this cross-fire between the camp loyal to President Muhammadu Buhari and that of former Vice President Atiku Abubakar.”
“Well, the fire was stoked by Buhari’s minister, Aishat Al-Hassan, who is a die-hard Atiku woman, ever ready to lose her job for the sake of her godfather, Atiku.”
“Interesting, interesting…let your Comfort also bring two plates of steaming hot cat-fish pepper-soup. We are now in the ocean of politico-Nigerian discussion.”
“And the reality of an Atiku wanting to be President is a return of the former VP to the PDP. This is because, in the APC, there are lions, hyenas, wolves, snakes and what have you, to devour his ambition.”
“You mean same way we are devouring our pepper-soup…so what you are saying in essence is that if ill-health, God forbid, stops Buhari from contesting in 2019, Atiku does not stand any chance in the APC of bearing the party’s flag?”
“Exactly. But how will ill-health even disturb the President?..hic…If he is too strong (as religious people will call it) to campaign, we patriotic Nigerians will troop out and campaign for him. He can afford to sleep at home during campaign time. After all, we all know him; he is not new to us.”
“Kay, it would have been good if your palm had been greased by the people you are busy laundering their image in the beer parlour. But here you are, campaigning for the President for nothing.”
“Well, that’s how to start. One day, one of them will get to hear me and whisper my name to the Oga at the top. Who knows, my patriotism may yield an oil block or a big contract to construct the rest of Lagos-Ibadan expressway from Sagamu to Berger.”
“So after that, you will move Comfort, your beer-seller mistress from here to Lekki in Lagos and so disqualify people like us from daring to approach her shop.”
“Which of the shops are you really referring to?…Please, I don’t joke with my pot of stew…don’t mind my joke and I hope she didn’t hear that aspect of our conversation.”
“I am sure she heard but it doesn’t matter. She is a big Babe…so we are now working for Buhari and not Atiku, I guess?”
“No, let’s do it this way: while I work for Buhari, you will stand with Atiku. Whatever resources we gather from the respective ventures, we’ll pool together and rollick at Comfort’s beer joint.”
“Yes, that reminds me of my uncle in the village. In the 2015 presidential election, he was campaign coordinator for then President Goodluck Jonathan, while his wife was playing the same role for Buhari.”
“Wise couple. I am sure they would achieve some capital project with the money realised from the two games. That’s quite admirable, unlike people who take to violence and kill each other because of politics.”
“Please rush your beer as you are still entitled to additional four bottles and two plates of steaming hot pepper-soup before you leave this domain.”
”I trust you Ogbos, the dream of every reasonable woman. So I want to experience how it feels like, to download five bottles of beer at a sitting and still be in your right senses. Even our friend, Charles, who took 13 bottles the other day found himself in the hospital.”
“For your information, Charles was here yesterday. He bought me a carton of beer at a time I had taken three bottles. I was only able to drink two out of the dozen. So, I was left with 10. Today, we are going to take five bottles each, and finish off Charles’ tempting gift.”
“Yeah, please, let Comfort uncork my beer.”
