At first, when we noticed that my new wife had taken in, it was a thing of joy. Many of my friends and family members had thought we would have a problem with having children because of her age. But even with the pregnancy, after 18 months of living together, some still felt we had to be extra vigilant because women of her age could develop complications. So we just kept on praying.
I refused to listen to people who felt I should not have sent my wife packing for an older woman; that I should have explored all possible angles to make the marriage work. I did not blame those who thought so; because they probably did not know the Jezebel I was living with at that time.
However, my wife registered for her ante-natal care at a teaching hospital because we did not want to take chances. When she was 12 weeks gone, her scan result suggested that the foetus was not well formed and that she might need to see a gynaecologist if the baby would survive at all. We did that in between tears for her, but at the end of the day, she lost the pregnancy.
She narrated how she had suffered in the home of my wife’s grandfather; how her co-wife had killed three of her children and she had to seek for spiritual help. This, she said, took her to a cult…
Two months after this , she took in again and we started monitoring it from Day 1. She owned a medical laboratory, but she chose to carry out all her tests outside to avoid subjective findings. Everything went well until the sixth month. She just woke up one morning, in her fifth month, and noticed that she had started bleeding.
Immediately, we rushed her to the hospital and she was admitted. The doctors ran checks but did not tell us what exactly was wrong with the baby. They only said she needed bed rest; that the baby was well formed and in a good position. Nothing could be explained for the bleeding. The doctors tried all therapies, but it did not stop. Then my wife said I should send for her grandmother, who was the only one she had always told me that she had.
She has a father, but she and her two brothers had been with their g r a n d m o t h e r since their mother died while they were still very young. At first, I objected to it, saying that the doctors would do everything in their power to ensure that she stopped bleeding. I told her that there was no use bringing an 80-year-old woman to Lagos to come and stay with her when my own people could do that very well. But I was forced to send for ‘mama’ when the bleeding continued.
It was her younger brother who went to bring mama from their hometown. Immediately she entered the hospital, she prayed for her granddaughter, in between tears, and said that she would not lose her like she lost their mother. She then said I should quickly take her to where we lived, that she needed to pray in the privacy of our house.
I did as she said and before I got back to the hospital, I got the good news that the bleeding had stopped miraculously and that the doctors would only need to keep my wife in the hospital to monitor her for about three days before she was eventually discharged.
Despite her age, I was impressed that ‘mama’ took care of my children very well. They got along very well that the last child came to tell me not to allow grandma go back to her house. In those three days she was alone with them, she hardly allowed the house help to cook. She ensured that they were well taken care of in the absence of the mother of the house.
But immediately my wife returned from hospital , the story changed because ‘mama’ told us what, to me, looked like a script of a Noll y w o o d movie. She called us into our room that night and said she had to tell us what we must know if my wife must continue to stay alive.
She narrated how she had suffered in the home of my wife’s grandfather; how her co-wife had killed three of her children and she had to seek for spiritual help. This, she said, took her to a cult, where they fought for her and conquered the enemies in her husband’s house. She said in her own society, they
never sacrificed their children. According to her, only children, who do not heed to their instructions, get punished and there is nothing the mother can do. She told my wife to look around and see how accomplished her friends’ children were, noting that they, including my wife, were enjoying the benefits of the society.
Then she dropped the bombshell – that my wife was supposed to be initiated in her place since she would soon die, and that her refusal to do so was the cause of the bleeding. That was when I realised why my wife had insisted that I should send someone to call her grandmother.
The woman also narrated how my mother-in-law had died at childbirth because she refused to join them and even called the society names. She said, under normal circumstances, she could not clock age 45 and be outside the society once her mother was a bona fide member.
She urged me to talk to my wife to accept the ‘baton’ so that we would all live happily. She even said that I would be surprised that my life would change dramatically for good and that favour would come to me from everywhere, insisting that this was the essence of the society.
I was sweating as she was talking because I had never been confronted with such talk before. It was as if I was in a long dream and I wanted to wake up. I had become so used to my wife, that I did not want to think that something would happen that would shake the love I had for her. Yet, I feared that if I exposed this or sent my wife packing, it could boomerang and the children and I could be harmed. It was a matter of being between the devil and the deep blue sea.
That night, my wife confessed to me that her grandma had told her all she told us before and that it was one of the reasons she stayed for long and dedicated her life to Christ before getting married. She told me not to take what she said to heart that we should go and meet strong men of God for prayer and counselling.
I have been praying and living with my wife for one year after that event. Her pregnancy stayed till nine months, but she lost the baby at birth. Mama has since gone back home, but now, I feel like I’m in bondage. How do I get out of this quagmire?
