After all, it was a trade by barter between the Federal Government and the insurgents that led to the part release of kidnapped 237 Chibok girls the other time, not social agitations
“Why is everywhere deserted this evening? For God’s sake, for the first time in recent history, we are meeting only six revellers in Clara’s pepper soup joint. Kay, isn’t this somehow sacrilegious?”
“In fact, Chukwudi, it is as if you were a witch. That’s exactly what got me ruminating immediately I landed in this our weekend wonderland of enjoyment. And to worsen the case, each person has only a bottle on the table, patently incapacitated from progressing to two,
three bottles.”
“Well, that is where you are likely to be in trouble. Because you are the sponsor of tonight’s ‘deep shelling of beer’ that has calibrated in the consumption of six bottles between us; bottles that I will hereby humbly regard as ‘fallen heroes’… but (speaking in hushed tone)…hardly would those ragamuffins know that you have just sold off your troublesome second car, I mean that old
Mazda.”
“How then does that constitute trouble for me, Kay? You pressmen can sometimes be funny. Certainly, those broke guys, drinking a bottle of beer apiece for the past four hours, cannot be said to be armed robbers or tricksters here on data collection. At best, they may be there out of frustration, probably because a wife has brought up her usual brouhaha over empty stew pots deriving from no money, or that they are here to wrack their brains on what to do to source for their children’s school fees due for payment as exams are approaching.”
“Head or tail, the bottom-line is that they are financially down, dear trader Chukwudi; man who after picking a degree, opted to be a spare-part dealer; the only first example in the federal republic.”
“Na you know oga journalist; wait, I can see that your third bottle is ‘leaking’; please tell Clara, the physically endowed beer seller to replace it with another criminally cold beer…and please, what else is going on in the country? You know business has thrown me into the ‘Comoro Islands’, that I don’t even know what is happening in civilisation.”
“Hmm…I think what is most likely to interest you is the resurgence of #Bring Back Our Girls groups, being raised to agitate for the release of the 110 Dapchi schoolgirls abducted by Boko Haram last month.”
“So, Kay, tell me, how will that interest me above all other issues in the country? After all, it was a trade by barter between the Federal Government and the insurgents that led to the part release of kidnapped 237 Chibok girls the other time, not social agitations.”
“Wait, wait. I’m about pulling out a bird from my pouch and you are already determining its complexion. You see, like a typical Nigerian thing, raising a #Bring Back Our Girls group is now like an oil block or a gold mine. Once you are able to set up one, just write to the United Nations, the UNICEF or an international human rights body for sponsorship and pronto, the money arrives, in thousands of dollars or pounds or euro and of course, in millions of naira. Or if that will take up time, all you need do is to write a proposal to the Ministry of Youth Development or better still, Ministry of Education, that you want to agitate through rallies and crusades, so that the Boko Haram members’ heart would melt and then the girls will be set free. Quote your figures, set aside some figures for ‘settlement’ under the caption, ‘miscellaneous’, and then you join the
millionaires’ club.”
“En…hen, that is why I call you a good friend; you are a brilliantly intelligent crook. Let Clara serve you another plate of steaming hot ponmo pepper-soup worth N1000, to make your beer bubble in its journey through the oesophagus. Certainly, I, Chukwudi, the son of Okonkwo the great hunter, the Gburugburu 1 of Ladipo spare-part market here in Lagos, will love to join them in bringing back our girls. First, once the millions arrive, I will build a storey building of four flats of three-bedroom apartments in Akowonjo, Lagos; then complete my building in the village which the native witches had hitherto prevented me from completing. I will then dedicate those buildings to the memory of our girls. Not only that, I will boost my business and take four more shops; two in Alaba Market and two in Agege, both here in Lagos, following which I will go for a big chieftaincy
title…”
“Won’t you spend anything on the rally?”
“Well, for the rally? Na true o. So EFCC doesn’t arrest me for taking money for a contract and not executing it. Okay, for the rally, by the time I spend a N100, 000 to gather rag-tag youths with fecund drummers along with video camera-men, I think the deal is done.”
“You are a thief…it’s getting late; let’s settle Clara and
sign off.”
