I am a 39-year-old non-academic staff of a state university in Nigeria. I have followed the stories on this page keenly and have decided to share my own story too, hoping that I would be properly guided by well meaning Nigerians.
I got married to my first wife when I was 28 years old. It was not a proper wedding, but we started living as man and wife when she got pregnant and I had to take my family members to her hometown for the official introduction.
She gave birth to three children in quick succession, but I had known, from the outset, that the union would be a problematic one. We had only courted for about six months, and in those days, I had seen what looked like questionable behaviour but I thought I would be able to tame her when we began to live as husband and wife.
This was not to be so. She was not working at the time and this gave her the chance to exhibit her behaviour to everyone in the neighbourhood. Before we started living together, I was a bit notorious with women, but decided to face my family the moment I knew she was carrying my baby.
I had heard a lot about God’s increased blessings for families that stay together and I was ready to live responsibly. It did not take me time to adjust at all, but my wife made me regret my action. I never knew her to be a flirt until after our second child.
A close friend told me that she had come to his office to beg for money and had also said that she knew he wanted to ask her out but that he was only afraid of her husband (me).
She told him that she also liked him and would want them to start a relationship. My friend said he would not have told me because he did not want to scatter my home, but that he had to do so because my wife would not let him rest; that he was afraid that her frequent text messages would soon be discovered by his wife.
He showed me some of the messages to convince me and I didn’t believe my eyes. I confronted her but she made a lot of trouble, asking me if the man told me that he had slept with her.
I was really angry to the extent that, for the first time, I beat her. But I regretted that action because she broke a bottle on my head. I probably would have died if well-meaning neighbours had not rushed me to a nearby hospital.
After I was discharged, I decided not to report her to either my family members or hers; I thought I could settle the matter in-house and look for a way to change her and give her what I thought she lacked.
I increased her allowance and also enrolled her in a makeup school so that she could earn a living in the growing make-up industry. But this was like adding fuel to fire because she went really wild.
She began to date commercial bus drivers, mechanics and irresponsible neighbours. My family members were so ashamed that they had to call a family meeting, which her parents also attended.
This was when a neighbour’s younger brother was claiming paternity of our third son. My elder sister played back her discussion with the guy, who had gone to her shop to tell her to warn her brother (me) or I would not “live to tell the story”.
At the meeting, I told everyone that inasmuch as I had promised God that I would stick to my wife and raise a responsbile family, I would not do so at the expense of my life. I said I was fed up with the marriage and that the woman should leave my house immediately. But I refused to accept the fact that I was not my son’s father. I said we should go for a DNA test.
Even if the man had been sleeping with her behind there were still chances that I could have been the biological father of the boy, depending on when fertilisation occurred.
My family members supported me. My elder brother, a medical doctor, however, added that I was exposed to terminal diseases with my wife’s promiscuity. She was sleeping around without even the caution of using condom.
So we left the meeting with a consensus that she should go back to her parents’ house and leave the children in my care, except the last boy, who was just 11 months old.
Instead of leaving the house, she started her trouble in folds, saying that nobody could eject her from the house. She even went to the extent of reporting at the police station that I wanted to kill her.
Neighbours told me that policemen had come looking for me when I was in the office and that some people had called my wife to speak some sense into her. But I was not going to play any dirty game with her, so I packed most of my personal belongings, left the furniture, and left the house for good. I did not have anywhere to go at first, so I stayed with a colleague, who had been following my story.
From his house, I moved to a mini-flat close to my place of work. I then immediately began the process of a formal dissolution because I was worried about the future of my children with their mother, considering her abominable lifestyle. I knew that I would be able to fight for the custody of the children with the evidence in support of her unruly behaviour.
She made things very easy for me when she went to dump the three children with my sister after two weeks. She told my sister that she was sure that I had abandoned them; but that when I was packing my things from the house, I forgot to take my children along
But she made things very easy for me when she went to dump the three children with my sister after two weeks. She told my sister that she was sure that I had abandoned them; but that when I was packing my things from the house, I forgot to take my children along. That was how I got the custody of my children without any legal battle. I also confirmed, after series of tests, that I am the biological father of the third child too.
I begged my sister to keep the children with her until I could make adequate arrangements for them to start living with me. I gave her monthly allowance and paid their school fees.
I later heard that my former house became a brothel, with all types of men coming and going at will. I almost cursed the very day I met that kind of woman. About two years after staying without a woman, I got involved with one of my church members, who was four years older than me but had never been married.
She owned a medical laboratory and was earning well. We courted for about one year before we started living together. She requested for an elaborate wedding to give thanks to God and I agreed. We lived happily together and brought my three children home. But 18 months after our wedding, when she got pregnant, a strange thing happened.
To be continued…
